The Road So Far

I have had migraines for more of my life now than I have been healthy. 

This realization was something that stuck with me in July of 2023, which hit me suddenly and without warning. I can remember the day of my first migraine attack, which felt like only a couple of years ago. I remember being in my house on the chaise, when suddenly I got this intense pain radiating through my eyes, worsening with every fraction of light that I allowed my squinty eyes to take in. Back then I thought that it would be a once in a while occurrence. How could it have possibly been in my life more often than not?

    I had been diagnosed with migraines when I was 12 years old, when I was told that getting rid of the migraines that I was experiencing was going to be a quick and painless process. I would be on medications for a while but they would go away with time, I was assured. This was the long term solution that I foolheartedly believed. The doctor was the professional, after all, and I was barely into my 5th grade school year at the time. I was prescribed my first rescue medication for migraines. The first time I used it, my migraine went away within an hour- and I remember running around in circles in my livingroom, excitedly declaring that we had found a solution to my mom. That solution was only going to be effective for a few months before I was put on a daily medication. I was the first of any of my friends to even consider taking medicine every day at the time.

    Flash forward to high school, where my migraines were present but manageable. I was able to stay home and sleep my migraines off if I ever got them. My grandparents were always at our home, and so I was able to be picked up whenever I needed to be- a luxury that many kids did not have. If there was a day where Nana and Papa were too busy to pick me up, I was able to lay down in the nurse's office with the lights off. The nurse and I had an understanding, as she also had this condition. I was praised for catching my migraines early by my parents, as they never stayed for longer than a few hours at this point. I remember missing very minimal school activities, and if I was sick I could always make the work up really fast. I have always been told that I had a very high level of intelligence, which was perfect for doing just enough work to impress the teachers into passing me with a good enough grade to maintain honor roll. I was only devastated by the one concert for chorus I had missed in al 8 years of performing- a night I spent in bed crying, cursing my genetics for giving me this condition. 

    The first year of college went off without a hitch. On a brand new medication, my migraines were incredibly manageable. I met a group of amazing friends, affectionately called the Nerd Herd, who I was around nearly 24/7. Life was good, until a very large flare up happened. Sophomore year of college I was working as an RA. I was in one of the most difficult majors at UMaine (Microbiology), and I no longer could meet my friends for every meal and every break we had throughout the day. My migraines kicked into overdrive- so much that I honestly do not remember a lot of that time. What I do remember was being in bed in pain, unable to leave for fear I would make it worse. Throughout that year I had lost a lot- my beloved friend group, the major I was so excited to be completing, and nearly every extra curricular that I had spent the last year dedicated to. I had migraines not only every day, but multiple times a day sometimes. When I did feel okay, I had to be on duty as an RA to ensure the building was safe- the only reason why I was able to financially afford living on campus for a second year. 

    I learned a lot in that time:

1. I had a disability that I could no longer ignore, I had to accommodate my life to avoid flare ups. 
2. Those who claim to understand often have no clue how to help you.
3. This was the lowest point I have ever felt in my life by a long shot.
4. People treat you with disdain when you have something different about you. Especially if it affects your ability to participate in college life.

    It took me years from that moment to gain control back in my life from that point. I felt like I had to convince everyone around me that my disability was impacting my life to a degree they couldn't even imagine. And hardest of all, I had to convince myself not only that I can do things with a disabling condition: but that I deserved to as well. If I had a dollar for everyone who doubted me at that time, I feel like I would be rich right now.

    From these past experiences, I have explored every avenue tempting me with the promise of health. I have tried nearly every natural "cure", diet, and method. I have heard so many pieces of advice I could probably write a book of them. (And no, my migraines are not due to lack of drinking water. Or eating chocolate. Or drinking red wine...). Standing here at what feels like the tip of the iceberg once and for all, I want to be able to help direct people who are looking for guidance. I want to be a guiding light to someone lost and desperate for answers. I want to be who I needed at the lowest part of my journey with chronic migraine.

    I truly hope this blog finds someone a new avenue to venture down, a new tool in their pain toolkit, and above all: hope that it gets better. Because together, we can be unstoppable. Migraine doesn't stand a chance.

-Kat